She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so let's talk penis.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This baby is an asshole
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
