I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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