If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
