$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
