by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
