I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
