The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
