When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
