no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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