im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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