theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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