Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
