you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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