Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
