I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
