Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
