so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
