I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
