And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
