I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
