at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Randomize
