I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
