I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
