I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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