so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
