I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
