she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i came on her dog
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
