I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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