Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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