how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
