This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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