I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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