Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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