Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
