called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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