I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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