xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
