quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
