Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
