Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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