You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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