i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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