At least make sure they are 18
Why
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
