She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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