I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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