I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
