the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
