Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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