So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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