WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So many bounce houses so little time
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
