i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
there is glitter all over my balls
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