You're so nebulous sometimes
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize