my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
