More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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