He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
