I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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