dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
