i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
