I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
COCAINE IS GR8
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
