it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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