we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize