My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
