Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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