Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I had to cum in my sink.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
